Silly Signs Sunday

HA! We’re back! (Car Talk reference #1). I thought I would write a new post instead of having you read tons of classic blog posts. And by classic we mean old. (Car Talk reference #2. Can you tell what I listened to all morning?) I am still suffering from Jet Slap (def: a bitch slap administered by time), so I thought I would do something easy. For me, that means making snarky comments about blurry pictures I took around town.

You got orange soda in my coke! You got coke in my orange soda! Together they taste like crap!

Oh Mezzo Mix, with your stupid slogan, “Cola kisses Orange”, what can I say about you? A lot actually.  Especially because I missed Food Friday. First of all, Mezzo Mix is the Coca-Cola brand of something known generically as Spezi. Spezi is just orange soda mixed with regular cola. A reliable source reports that “due to its thirst-quenching qualities, it is particularly popular in ski resorts and mountain huts, where it is often served in amounts of half a litre. By contrast, it is hardly ever seen in Vienna.” I think this is because the Viennese are not crazy. The Pepsi brand is called Schwip-Schwap, which is about 95.3 times more fun to say than Mezzo Mix. Try it! Come on, I know you want to.

What you shouldn’t try is Spezi. I think it tastes gross. Some flavors just shouldn’t come together. For example, orange and toothpaste. Imagine this sign with the man who represents cola replaced with a toothbrush covered with toothpaste and the blond woman (i.e. orange soda) still kissing it, and you would feel the same nauseous feeling I do when I look at this ad. (Don Draper, between drinks and sleeping with his mistresses, just let me know that I will  never have a career in advertising.)

Refrigerator Heaven?

The chain of electronics stores here in Germany is called Saturn.  They sell printers, computers, music, household appliances, etc. Their spokesperson is Alice Cooper, which makes perfect sense to me. However, I don’t think they are really tapping into to his full potential. This is an ad for a washing machine on a bus shelter near where I live. Yes, this washer is pretty cool with its super fast programs, varied washing cycles, and life-time warranty.  But I would be more impressed if it showed Alice Cooper (birth name: Vincent Damon Furnier) doing the wash after one of the stage shows. The copy could read, “Look, it gets out fake blood,  guillotine grease, and electric chair scorch marks!”  Or, “It gets the whiskey out of the lace.” (Take that Don!)

Scarves Optional

This is a Colorforms-like ad on the windows of a salon near me. I am pretty sure the guy in the back is saying, “Do you really want your hair to look like that? It kinda looks like you are one of those poor schmucks the Weather Channel sends out into storms to report that it is indeed windy and miserable.”

Sometimes on the U-Bahn I see a group of teenage German boys each with their hair styled in a similar fashion. Although, I am pretty sure that they text each other in the morning to make sure nobody’s hair is pointing in the same direction.

P.S. Can someone please get me Colorforms for Christmas. Their slogan is “Even more fun today than when we were kids!”, which makes me wonder what these adults are using them for. According to the company, Colorforms are “playful, imaginative, creative, open-ended, approachable, clean,  and easy.” And more importantly, “reusable, repositionable, and forgiving.“